Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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