I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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