theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
