nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
