I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
