I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
