I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
