I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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