I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
