I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize