Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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