oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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