The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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