you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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