how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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