Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
