somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
