I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
