sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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