Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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