she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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