sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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