capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize
