When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
