I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
