So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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