just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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