Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
