I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
