This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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