I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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