my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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