I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
