Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
