if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
