Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
