Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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