I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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