i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
