I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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