he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
