Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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