We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
