i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
