What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
