My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
