I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
