Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
