You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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