we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
