eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
