If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
