i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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