After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
