I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
