You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
