apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize