I just saw a hot homeless man
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
