Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
