Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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