Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize