Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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