dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
