Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
