Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
