she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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