yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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