After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
