Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
