tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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