someone threw a dead crab at me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
